During the last two years I have made it my mission to turn Stone Cities into a comprehensive and exciting site that consistently provides the latest updates on Korean dramas in real time. Casting news? Yep, we know it because we bugged someone’s office. Scandals? Yes and yes, always dishing the latest dirt. Dispatch has nothing on us. Oh, and you want to know how a show ends? Yep, we know four months before the show is even written.
Despite the fact that this may not seem to be the case, I assure you it is. In fact I have it on a business card. So when the opportunity to cover a once in a lifetime event came knocking, I could not say no. Welcome to a slice of life, amazing, journalistic, bang bam boom jailhouse interview in real time (please disregard all past tense, because I assure you this is all real time- it is happening now, at any given time, when you are reading this).
To describe the scene (note- when I win the Pulitzer this will be the section that grabs the hearts and minds of the readers and launches me into journalistic super stardom):
A long road led up to the prison – all bricks and towers and guards to hold the degenerates inside. I had seen such things on t.v. before, so I knew what to expect. They would pat me down, ask me questions, expect me to answer them. Yes, that is indeed what happened.
The film crew that followed me were nervous, it was not every day they let people (much less a film crew) into the super-max Doctor’s Son- Baksa Memorial Prison. I was okay, because I had taken a huge hit off my inhaler and was ready to face any asthma inducing moment that could possibly occur.
I walked into the jail like a boss, because I knew from dramas what earned respect. Confidence in the face of utter ridiculousness would win the game. I began to hum “Love is the Moment” as I sauntered into the prisoner visiting room.
It was a voice, like window blinds being clawed by a cat.
“Lore, I presume?”
Or was it a whisper. No, it was a sound I heard but should not hear.
“John Mayer, I presume?” I decided I should keep my sunglasses on, because I looked way cooler that way.
“You know I don’t let just anyone interview m-”
I pulled out a signed picture of Lee Seung Gi. It stopped the man in his tracks.
“Jae Ha…! JAE HA!”
His grubby little hands grabbed for the photo, but I coolly had tied dental floss to it in the car. I subsequently yanked it away.
“No…Maybe” I raised my eyebrows, but you could not tell under my RayBans. Fashion is a tricky customer. “I need you to help me. I need to catch a killer.”
He looked at me with his beady little eyes, hurriedly fixing his bow-tie with his chubby fingers. He sat back in his chair, oblivious to the fact I was trying to figure out how it was possible he was wearing a bow-tie. I mean, do they give prisoners bow-ties? Is that really fiscally responsible of the government to give convicted criminals fashion accessiories? I mean, he was not even wearing a button down shirt. It was literally a blue and white polka dot bow tie and prison garb.
“Who?” He purred the words.
“He killed three women, and a little girl. Saet Byeol. I need to stop him, he is a monster and I want to help Lee Bo Young out, because she is awesome.”
John Mayer leaned forward, smirking. “How would I know how to find him, Loooore”
“You are both drama villains. I assumed you could help. I mean, think of it. If Stone Cities breaks the news on who the killer is in God’s Gift 14 Days we are going to get a ton of hits. I mean, seriously. People may read some of our old posts. Like the one where Lee Seung Gi was taking a bath while hosting an awards show.”
At the mention of HIM John Mayer perked up. “Jae Ha?!”
“Yes, um, Jae Ha. Now where do I look for the killer?”
John Mayer looked around the room, a small smile playing at his lips. “I will tell you if you give me that picture.”
“Okay. Sure” I mean, it was my plan all along. How did he not see that? Wow. I mean, I can be slow sometimes but, yeah.
“Look for him in a place that you least expect it. Shoes are important, but so is everything. In fact everything made of cells or protons or atoms or anything at all should be paid attention to. Because you will find the real killer lurking at this exact place. 100 % Oh, and I will tell you his or her name too, because I want that picture so bad…”
John Mayer leaned forward, the camera zoomed in. He giggled his strange girlish laugh before he whispered –
” You will find him approximately 14 hours timezone difference ahead of you, but you will see him on your laptop within a day give or take depending on the speed of subtitles. Good chances are he is looking villainous, you just may not have noticed since you can’t stop playing 2048 for more than twenty seconds at a time. Admit it, you cannot get past 512, just accept it. That is why you have to keep rewinding…isn’t it?!”
I gulped, realizing the psycho villain John Mayer had figured me out. He continued:
“He is probably already ahead of you Lore. In fact, he is at least a day ahead of you story-wise -in less they are in a really tightly scheduled show and then it may be a live shoot. No fun, really. But any way, his name is………….”
I knew it, John Mayer and all of his evilness had the answers I had been looking for…
Come on, you knew it was coming.
APRIL FOOLS FROM STONE CITIES.
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