Name: John Mayer
Age: I will live forever
Location: You will never find me
Looking for: Love / world domination / women who do not talk behind my back
My name is John Mayer, you probably have heard of me. I am the super handsome, super charismatic, completely sane President of Club M, an international conglomerate overseeing 130 companies worldwide. Club M is the most non-evil company in the world and I am proud of that. In fact, just the name seems to conjure up images of friendship, kittens, and love. Oh, and I am the best magician in the world. Actually, I am probably the best magician in the Universe (which should be confirmed once Club M makes contact with alien species through our Space Magic initiative).
I continuously aspire to do what is right for the world; you could call me a simply compassionate man. I enjoy watching classic movies and my favorite song is Ride of the Valkyries (sometimes I listen to it 127 times in a row). In my spare time I perfect my magic tricks and spend quality time with my dear friend Bon Bon. I also enjoy talking to my friend Jae Ha. We met during childhood and have been great friends ever since. In fact, I sleep with a picture of him by my bed.
I am looking for a woman who is perfect (seriously, no flaws allowed), knows how to keep secrets, and realizes that if they betray me I will not hesitate to shoo I mean give them a puppy. Must be willing to travel at the drop of a hat- I never know where my evil good plans may take me.
My ideal mate must also realize that the Korean Royal family, especially Jae Ha, is not as great as I am, not really all that clever, and should never unify with North Korea. While I will admit Jae Ha has a nice personality and great hair, and is funny at times, and makes great video replies to my own video messages, he is not to be trusted or liked. Jae Ha, and his smart dressing style and nice shoes should never be trusted by a woman who wants to date me.Even with his flawless skin and witty speech, charismatic demeanor and effortless gait, Jae Ha is not what he seems. Sure he is charming and fun, probably would be a blast to go fishing with (or cuddle up to on a cold winter night), but he is someone that is no match for Club M’s John Mayer.
Oh- I almost forgot-Jae Ha also smells nice too. Trust me, sometimes we meet up for chats and I can smell his cologne across the room. It is musky and sweet at the same time. I tried buying it once but I could not find out the brand. I also forced Bon Bon to attempt to make the cologne but she grew frustrated and broke the bottle in a drug chocolate rage. Oh, and further more, you should never look at the pictures I have of Jae Ha. I collect them for intelligence reasons. It is none of your concern why they are in a pink heart filled album.
All interested parties should contact my henchmen, I mean secretary. I look forward to dating the woman who can meet the requirements and become the girlfriend of the super awesome, sane, handsome President of Club M.